Apple Myths, and Chokos Unwelcome

  Of Naked Walks, Apple Myths, and Chokos Unwelcome



Recently, I mentioned an eccentric Englishman who walked from John o'groats to Lands End naked. His trek was regularly interrupted by the long arm of the law. But persistence prevailed and not only did he complete his naked trek but he headed back north completing his round trip within 2003 to 2006

My report was greeted with doubt. But the doubters should know by this time that I do my research. I thought that The Naked Rambler, as he was known, may have been planting apple seeds along the way. But no! He was simply an enthusiastic nudist and had nothing to do with apple trees.

I had been thinking of a man called Johnny Appleseed who roamed a lot of the United States of America planting apple seeds (clothed) in the late 1700s to early 1800s and encouraged people to grow the trees.

The following digression is true, mostly: through the 50s and the 60s Australia had a glut of chokos. They seem to have died out, as deservedly did, the type of people who insisted on eating them and foisting them on others. I believe chokos are a type of melon. They are tasteless, can be cooked with anything and absorb that flavour. Fruit canners would mix them with diced fruit because they were cheap and prolific. Prolific? They would grow through a crack in a slab of concrete and climb over your outhouse, shed or fence. Neighbours would give their neighbours brown paper bags full of them who would accept them, muttering, 'thank you,' through clenched teeth.

Mothers used to mix them with apples to make apple pies.

"Eat your apple pie, Vic."

"No. It's not an apple pie. It's a rotten chokoe pie."

Slap!

Which brings us back to apple trees. What can I say about them? They're not native to Australia. There's a variety of them. Some taste nicer than others. And that's it.

If I had my time over, I would grow a large tree with sturdy branches. A Morton Bay Fig would suit my purpose. A few years ago I read a quote by Heinrich Heine, a German poet: 'I pray that God will grant me the joy of seeing my enemies hanging from my large tree. Before their death, I shall be moved to forgive them all the wrongs they had done to me in their lifetime. Yes, as a Christian gentleman, I will definitely forgive my enemies - but not before they are hanging.

A Morton Bay Fig tree for when an apple tree simply will not do.